What I Was Meant To Do

I'm going to make the understatement of the year and say that being Dallin's mom isn't easy. Sometimes it's downright depressing. Like this morning. I got myself and the kids all ready to go to church hoping that we'd all be able to go together. It didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't going to happen today. There are some days when Dallin is so disregulated that he hums really loud and visually stims on toys so bad that the poor guy turns red. I knew he wasn't going to able to handle church today. I couldn't help it, I felt so frustrated, and I broke down. It can be so discouraging when you're trying so hard to do what you think God wants you to do and you can't do it. Some days I want a miracle so desperately.

Todd took the girls to church so I could help Dallin. I tried some of his biomedical interventions and played with him and a few hours later, he calmed down. I had a quiet moment so I picked up a little book my Mom gave me for Mother's day by Marjorie Hinckley. In it she asks women the question, "Is this what God wants you to do?" All at once I was flooded with the spirit which seemed to wrap it's arms around me and tell me quite forcefully, "Being Dallin's Mom is what you were meant to do." I can't tell you how thankful I am for that affirmation.

I think that's what all God fearing people want - to know that what we are doing is what God would have us do. Somehow it doesn't matter how physically hard, spiritually stretching or mentally draining things are - if you know you're doing what you were meant to do.

After I finished crying my eyes out I felt much better. Dallin was feeling better too and I got these beautiful shots of my handsome, handsome boy. What a better person I am for having him as my son. We're in this journey together - he and I - and I know that this is what I was meant to do.